Marriages
Traditional marriage is usually an arrangement between two families in Esan land. However, marriage ceremonies vary among the different Esan towns and communities. The Male (The Groom), usually pays the bride-price and is thus considered the head of the family. Adultery is acceptable for men but forbidden for women. Sometimes parents actually go looking for a wife or husband for their children. This led to the BETROTHAL SYSTEM where marriage was conducted with or without the consent of the individuals involved. Sometimes such betrothal, takes place at the birth of a baby girl. Suitors would begin to approach the parents by sending logs of wood or bundles (multiple yam tubers tied together as a single load of yams), of yam gifts to the parents of the child. You are likely to hear statements such as “I have dropped a log of firewood”, or “My folks already taken yams there”. When a boy decides to get married and the parents have accepted the bride as a prospective daughter-in-law, marriage messages of praises or favorable promises are sent and responded to between the two families. This is called “IVBUOMO” which means seeking for a bride. Series of investigations are conducted by both families to unveil possible diseases, scandals and crimes of a party to the marriage or of both, which may have adverse impacts on the young families. This is done to determine if the marriage can be allowed to move forward or discouraged before the relationship is formalized.
The terms of the marriage may include the bride-price, that must be negotiated and settled before the marriage proceeds in some families. Some other families may elect to allow the marriage to proceed and progress, to allow the groom to recover and be adequately able to pay the bride-prize without undue economic stress. Gifts for mother of the bride and IROGHAE- members of the extended family would be part of the settlement. Then a date would be set for the ceremony which would take place in the home of the bride’s family.
In the marriage process, the bride, now known as “OVBIAHA” would be led by her relatives to the husband’s house with all her property meanwhile, the family and friends of the bridegroom are feasting, drinking, singing and dancing while waiting for the bride to arrive. As the family and friends of the bridegroom await the bride (OVBIAHA), messages will arrive suggesting that there are UGHUNGHUN (barriers) on the road that are inhibiting the arrival of the bride. The bridegroom has to remove the barriers by sending money to the parties to work harder to eliminate the obstacles and bring the bride safely home to him. Failure of the groom to respond favorably, may actually prevents, permanently, the arrival of the bride. This stage activities and demands are always well managed that the result is always the successful arrival of the bride. As they approach the house of the bridegroom, you can hear the echo of “OVBIAHA GHA MIEN ARO-ARO”, which means Bride, be proud or the bride is proud.
Arrival at the bridegroom’s house is immediately followed by the ceremony of “IKPOBO-OVBIOHA”, which implies the washing of the bride’s hands. A bowl of water with money in it would be brought out. A woman in the groom’s family, sometimes his senior wife would bring out a new head tie, wash the hand of the Ovbiaha in the bowl and dries her hand with the head tie. Both the new head tie and the money in the bowl belong to the bride. A few days later, the bride would be taken to the family altar and prayers are offered for her. She undergoes what is called the “IGBIKHIAVBO” ceremony which is beating of OKRO on the flat, wooden mortar. This would be followed by a visit by the bride’s mother-in-law and other female members of the families to the newlywed if they are not living in the same house. She would demand the bedspread on which they both slept when they had their first sexual relationship and if the bed-spread was stained with blood, the bride was regarded as a virgin and would be given many presents including money. If it is proven that she was not a virgin, then the preparation for the ceremony of the “IVIHEN” meaning “Oath taking” ceremony would-be set-in motion.
First, she has to confess to the older women, the other men in her life before she got married. The husband would never be told any of her confessions, then, she would be summoned to the family shrine early in the morning, without warning to take an oath of FIDELITY, FAITHFULNESS, TRUSTWORTHINESS, HONESTY etc., to her husband and family. This ceremony is the equivalent of the oath people take in the church, mosque or marriage registry. Once the oath taking ceremony is over, she would be fully accepted back into the family and immediately becomes married not only to her husband but to the family and the community.
In recent times, the influences of Christianity, Islam and Westernization, have weakened the Edo traditional system of marriage. The traditional ceremony is sometimes done the same day with many of the rituals avoided in the name of Christianity or Islam. Many women would rather die than take the oath described above. It was the oath that kept Edo women out of prostitution for many years; thus making the Edo women, in general, to be regarded as very faithful, trustworthy, and honest with strong fidelity to their marriage and husbands. This keeps the family strong, supportive of one another as a relational unit. It was this Esan traditional marriage approaches, family cohesiveness, and supportive effectiveness that compels men from other tribes to want Esan women for wives. It also made divorce on the ground of adultery, less common or non-existence in those days.
THE DOWRY SYSTEM
Esan people value their children, male or female, this is why unlike some cultures; the bride price is very low. The system of paying bride price back then was rarer, but has become a lucrative system for the bride’s father. However, only the well-to-do could leave their daughters to grow before marrying them out.
The payment of bride price is vital to the conclusion of marriage notable under Esan native laws and customs, which like any other customary-law marriages in Nigeria; the bride prize or dowry is recognized under the Marriage Act of the nation.
In practice to impression that Esan people do not sell their daughters into marriage, the requested amount for bride price is usually meagre; 24 Naira (representing 24 cowries or a few British pounds or pennies as used in the pre-colonial and colonial days). A huge sum is usually presented these days, from which the prominent members of the bride’s family would remove a small amount and return the balance to the groom for his wife, their daughter`s up keep and support for the new family.
BRIDE PRICE REQUIREMENTS
Below is a non-exhaustive list of bride prices. People elect to deliver any or a combination of a set of the list or others.
1 Umbrella.
1 suitcase filled with clothes (box of wrappers).
2 bottles of hot drinks (schnapps).
1 crate of malt drinks.
1 plate of kolanuts.
1 bag of salt.
25 liters of palm oil for the bride’s mother.
1 jar of palm wine.
1 carton of wine for sundry use (the groom should hold this).
3 crates of malt for women of the lineage.
6 cartons of beer for men of the lineage (broken down into: 2 cartons of small Guinness stout; 2 cartons of Star beer; 2 cartons of Gulder beer).
28 tubers of yam arranged in groups of seven.
14 tubers of yam for the eldest man in the lineage.
N1,500 cash for the dowry.
N5,000 cash for the bride’s mother.
N3,000 cash for the bride’s father.
N9,000 cash for the men in bride’s lineage.
N6,000 cash for the women bride’s lineage.
TABOOS
- When a woman is married to an Esan man, it is an abomination for another man to touch her wrapper, else it is considered as though she has committed adultery unless the married woman shouts at the man or reports to her husband.
- It is considered an abomination for a man to sit on the matrimonial bed of an Esan couple as it is seen as a taboo.
- It is also an abomination for a woman to spit on her husband under any circumstance. If she does, she must sacrifice a fowl to appease him but the man can bathe his wife with his own spit.
- It is seen as an abomination for an Esan man to use the same bathing bucket with his wife but due to widespread Christianity, this taboo has gone into extinction.
- The husband of a woman who just gave birth must stay away from her sexually for three months as she is considered unclean because of the post-delivery blood the female discharged.
- It is a taboo for another man to cross outstretched legs of a married woman else it is considered as though she already had sex with the man.
- A married woman cannot steal her husband’s money in Esan land as it is seen as an abomination. She must tell him about it.
- It is an abomination for married couples to have sex in the afternoon as it is believed that a certain spirit would be angered by the act.
- When a woman commits adultery, she will lose her children and her life as repercussion for the abominable act unless she confesses and as restitution, she is stripped completely unclad, a part of her head is shaved, a part of her private part is shaved, one of her armpits is shaved and both of her hands are tied behind her, while a basket full of trash is placed on her head. She is then paraded around the community by other women. If this is not done and the woman goes ahead to cook for her children, her children will die one after the other including her. If she also confesses to her husband and out of love or pity her husband conceals the confession, he will die within a week, if he eats a meal cooked by the woman.
